The Cohen Case Files: A Return to Salem’s Lot (1987)

Executive Produced, Written (Also Story By), and Directed by Larry Cohen

Any discussion of A Return to Salem’s Lot has to begin and end with Sam Fuller (yes, I am aware he is credited in most of his films as Samuel Fuller, but it seems wrong not to refer to him as Sam). A journalist, decorated World War II veteran, indie writer/director, and all-around force of nature in his eventful life, Fuller is dropped into the film just when the plot needs a jolt and he provides one with his natural energy, stealing every scene he’s in and providing a needed moral center.

Before I can get into a plot setup and proper review of the film, I have to lay out a miniature flowchart of its literary and television connections. This film is a sequel-in-title-only to the 1979 TV miniseries Salem’s Lot. Directed by Tobe Hooper, the miniseries was based directly on the novel of the same name by Stephen King. Due to this literary lineage, A Return to Salem’s Lot sports a “based on characters created by Stephen King” credit, but all the film shares in common with either the novel or the miniseries is the titular New England town. All the characters are new and there is no mention of the earlier events, meaning viewers can jump straight into this film without having any knowledge of the previous projects.

Joe (Michael Moriarty) is a cold-blooded anthropologist who is introduced filming a remote tribe as one of their members is sacrificed. Not horrified in the least by this display, all Joe can think of is what his footage will do for his career. He is understandably annoyed when he receives word that his son has been in an accident and he races home only to discover his ex-wife (Ronee Blakley in a blink and you’ll miss her cameo) and her new husband have lied to force his return so they can dump young Jeremy (Ricky Addison Reed) on him.

It seems that at only eleven-years-old, Jeremy has already blossomed into a troublesome teenager. Angered by what he sees as being abandoned by Joe (who hasn’t seen him in three years) he has started pulling stunts like taking his stepfather’s new Mercedes out for a joyride. Reed expresses the inner turmoil of a boy trying to understand his relationship with his distant father by spitting out his tough talking dialogue in a stilted manner that threatens to sabotage the movie before it gets started.

Joe, unexpectedly saddled with the responsibilities of being a parent to a fairly awful little boy, remembers the small house left to him by his Aunt Clara. Of course, the house is in Salem’s Lot, but since Joe is not aware he’s in a horror movie, he takes Jeremy to the small town with the plan of fixing up the house as a way to bond with his son. That’s when they discover the town is populated almost exclusively by vampires.

Led by Judge Axel (Andrew Duggan), the vampires have been hiding in plain sight, protected by the public’s belief that vampires don’t exist. They mostly feed on cattle they raise specifically for blood, maintain appearances of being a regular small town by having a few humans (called “drones”) around that they breed and raise for this purpose, and wait for the day when the rest of the world will accept them for who and what they are.

Judge Axel wants Joe to write the vampire Bible, explaining their history and how they have evolved into their current society. While Joe is torn between keeping Jeremy safe by leaving town and the promise of achieving fame through what is arguably the greatest anthropological discovery in history, the vampires do their best to subtly manipulate him.

First, they work to create a divide between Joe and his son by trying to seduce Jeremy into the vampire fold through a lovely young vampire named Amanda (a very young Tara Reid). Next, they provide Joe with Cathy (Katja Crosby), a beautiful vampire he had a crush on when he was a child visiting his aunt. Finally, they use threats of violence, killing a group of humans who wander into town to send the message that they may feed on cattle to avoid problems with humans, but they still have the power and the desire to kill.

This is a ton of plot setup and the movie meanders a lot during the first act. I’m not sure if Cohen was trying to make the vampire’s actions just as mysterious to the audience as they are to Joe, but I was certainly questioning the lack of cohesiveness. We first see the vampires kill and drain four teenagers who get pulled over by Rains (James Dixon!), the town’s drone constable. One of these victims is killed right in front of Joe, even as Judge Axel tries to convince him of his plan to write a Bible. At the same time that Cohen seems to be making the case that the vampires should be treated like any other indigenous tribe and allowed to live their lives, he portrays them as evil killers trying to turn Joe’s son against him.

It’s a confusing and morally muddy place that Cohen takes the characters and the film. At times, this ambiguity is interesting. But for most of the first act, the film is just frustrating as Cohen seems unable to decide what he wants the film to be. Is it a satire of traditional vampire films where the undead characters are treated as just another tribe in the world? Or is it a straight horror film where Joe will eventually try to rescue his son and fight back against the bloodsuckers? At this crossroads, arrives Sam Fuller.

Fuller plays Van Meer, an elderly gentleman who shows up in town looking for someone he claims is an old friend. He’s eventually revealed to be a vengeance-driven man seeking out Nazi war criminals that escaped punishment. When he is told what is happening in the town, as a man who has seen the worst of what humans can do to each other, he accepts the truth without blinking an eye. When questioned later about how the outside world would accept such a fantastic premise, Van Meer’s response is simple but telling: “In 500 years, who’ll believe there were Nazis?”

By linking a group responsible for the worst human atrocities in semi-recent history with a group of the most frequently used supernatural villains of horror fiction, Cohen makes his choice for the direction taken by the rest of the film. While the moral issues the film wrestled with in the first act setup are interesting, it isn’t until Van Meer arrives and puts the issue in simple terms of good and evil that the film takes off and becomes a lot of fun.

But would the film have been as much fun if Cohen had cast someone other than Fuller as Van Meer? I suppose it’s possible that he could have found another elderly actor with as much playful, hard-charging, enthusiastic personality as Fuller, but I doubt it.

Fuller’s acting career before this film had consisted of cameos in his own films and the work of other directors who admired him. Never before (or, for that matter, after) this film had he been given such a large, pivotal role. I have no idea what led Cohen to think of Fuller for the role. Perhaps it was the similarity the two share in their respective careers—like Fuller, Cohen chafed under studio restrictions and carved out his own niche creating pulpy genre films with underlying social messages. After seeing the film, it’s hard not to think of Fuller as perfectly cast. Chomping on a cigar, waving a gun around at the slightest provocation, delivering his dialogue in a rapid rhythm that would warm David Mamet’s heart, his performance is so much fun to watch, he steals the movie with gusto.

In fact, much of the entertainment value of the film comes from the casting. Moriarty is always a blast when he works with Cohen and while he’s in more of a leading man mode in this film, he still gets plenty of oddball scenery to chew as a man suddenly facing a crisis of conscience. Much of the rest of the cast is made up of Cohen regulars (Dixon, Duggan, Brad Rijn, Jill Gatsby) who give eccentric performances in roles large and small. Duggan, in particular, is impressively sinister as the villainous Judge Axel.

The film has one of the largest budgets Cohen ever worked with and the money is evident on the screen. Shot by veteran genre cinematographer Daniel Pearl, the town is given an alien look during the daytime scenes that are made all the more disturbing by its deserted appearance. Needing fewer extras and with an entire town at his disposal, Cohen also does away with some of his more guerilla techniques of stealing shots in public places. This control of the entire environment gives the film more of a classic filmmaking feel, as though it were a studio project from the ’40s or ‘50s shot on a backlot.

Surprisingly, the film doesn’t have much of a reputation, even among Cohen fans. It definitely is more lightweight in terms of subtext than many of his directorial efforts and sports a terrible piece of child acting from Reed. But it also has a loopy sense of humor that makes up for those shortcomings. While most of the laughs come from Fuller’s hardboiled one-liners, there are plenty of sublime sight gags along with some goofy attempts by Joe to talk frankly with his son to spread the comedy evenly around.

I had a lot of fun with A Return to Salem’s Lot. Even though the philosophical questions of whether instinctual or tribal traditions excuse the taking of another life failed to fully engage me, as a piece of genre entertainment, it’s elevated by its anything goes tone and Fuller’s dynamic turn.

James Dixon Sighting: Not only does he have the small role of Rains, he also co-wrote the script.

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The Cohen Case Files: The Stuff (1985)

Executive Produced, Written, and Directed by Larry Cohen

Sometimes Larry Cohen’s penchant for genre films mixed with social satire leads him into situations where those elements fail to gel.  Such is the case with The Stuff.  But despite the fact that the film doesn’t fully work as a satisfying whole, it’s still very entertaining and well worth a look for Cohen’s fans and anyone who enjoys a good laugh at the expense of corporations, health food fanatics, right-wing conspiracy nuts, or cheesy ‘50s horror and sci-fi flicks.

A strange concoction is found bubbling up out of the ground by a two men.  The substance has a consistency somewhere between yogurt and ice cream and it tastes delicious.  The men get the idea to start selling the substance to the public.

The film then jumps ahead to a later date as the substance–named and marketed as “The Stuff”–has become all the rage, with people lining up outside of shops selling it at two in the morning.  Naturally, the ice cream industry feels threatened.  The heads of the ice cream companies come together to hire corporate saboteur Mo Rutherford (Michael Moriarty) to gather information they can use against the company behind ”The Stuff”.  Mo is a former FBI agent who plays the fool, but in reality is the smartest guy in the room.

At the same time, Jason (Scott Bloom), an adolescent boy living on Long Island, sees “The Stuff” move on its own, making him believe that it’s some sort of creature aware with devious motives.  Frantic, he destroys several cases of the substance at a local grocery store.  While he does this, his family begins eating it exclusively, leading them to take on a hive-like behavior as they try to force Jason to eat “The Stuff”.

With the help of Nicole (Andrea Marcovicci), the commercial director who headed up the marketing campaign for “The Stuff” and Chocolate Chip Charlie (Garrett Morris), a cookie manufacturer who was put out of business by the company behind the substance, Mo starts his investigation.  What he finds is a bizarre conspiracy to enslave the human race using the substance as a mind-control agent that has the unfortunate side effect of eventually dissolving its host until they are nothing more than a puddle of fleshy goo.

Eventually, Mo teams up with Jason and an insane right-wing militia leader (Paul Sorvino) to declare war on the company selling “The Stuff” in a series of goofy scenes that barely cobble together the coverage to wrap up the loose ends.

There isn’t a serious moment to be found in The Stuff.  Sure, Cohen lobs some strong accusations at the secretive testing and approval process of the FDA, the dangers of allowing corporate conglomerates to become too large, and the empty promises of advertising, but he does so with his tongue firmly in-cheek.  After all, how serious of a satire can you make about a white blob that looks like marshmallow fluff as it goes about its diabolical plans to take over the human race?

The silliness of the execution isn’t necessarily a bad thing.  Considering the typically slapdash feel of Cohen’s screenplay and choppy editing by frequent Cohen collaborator Armond Lebowitz, any attempts to tell a serious horror or dramatic tale would have forced the film into the realm of high camp.  While there are elements of the film that come across as campy–namely the charmingly dated special effects–Cohen mostly avoids the taint of campiness by letting his cast in on the joke.  Marcovicci, Sorvino, and Morris attack their roles with impressive comedic chops, never bothering to hide how much fun they’re having.

And, of course, there’s always a kind of special magic when Moriarty gets together with Cohen.

Moriarty is best known for playing a district attorney on the early seasons of Law & Order, but before taking on that role, he appeared in four (Q, The Stuff, It’s Alive III: Island of the Alive, and A Return to Salem’s Lot) of Cohen’s films in the ‘80s.  Each one of his performances in these films contains bizarre choices in accents, speech patterns, tics, and physical appearance that Nicolas Cage would be hard-pressed to top.  What’s most impressive is the fact that Moriarty is able to continue using a ridiculous southern accent and smirking manner through the entire film and it starts to come across as normal.  He sells this behavior as the way his character would really behave.  It’s an amazing performance in its own skewed way.

While the targets of the film remain popular topics for satirists, The Stuff is dated with its use of pop-culture references (Clara Peller, better known as the “Where’s the beef?” lady from the Wendy’s commercials, appears in a commercial for “The Stuff”) and other mid ‘80s touchstones (TCBY franchises, Famous Amos cookies) to score easy gags.  This is unusual for Cohen.  In the best of his films (Bone, It’s Alive, God Told Me To), there is a certain timelessness to his handling of such sticky topics as racism, overmedication, and religious fanaticism.  But Cohen gave those films a seriousness that would have felt out of place with The Stuff.  Unfortunately, his overly light touch with the material only highlights the relative shallowness of the satirical elements this time around.

Despite my misgivings, The Stuff is still a fun watch.  Moriarty chews the scenery with aplomb and old school effects–miniatures, stop motion animation, and rear projection–are the order of the day.  It may not be Cohen’s best film, but after watching Guilty as Sin and Scandalous, it is a needed reminder that he’s far better at directing his material than anyone else.

Fun Cameo: Look for Brad Rijn and Eric Bogosian from Special Effects as employees at the grocery store that Jason trashes.

James Dixon Sighting: As the Stuff addicted postal employee in the small town where Mo meets Chocolate Chip Charlie.  Dixon sports a southern accent that might be more over-the-top than Moriarty’s.

Fair warning, while this trailer is hilarious in its attempts to sell the film as a straight horror picture, it does contain a spoiler about the fate of one of the main characters.

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